Three Weeks Done!

At this point the doctor originally said he would probably release me to "go back to the gym". I decided that translated to my usual workload but told all my clients I wouldn't be back til the new year. What's the point of trying to work between Christmas and New Year's anyway? Plus I would have a little extra just in case time.... which of course, now it looks like I will need.

It's funny, not in the ha ha way, what becomes reality so quickly. How easy it is to forget what normal life is like. Taking a shower never used to be an exhausting adventure followed by meticulous wound dressings and post surgery bindings. Getting dressed was not a matter of what I could put on but what I wanted to wear. I never set an alarm during the middle of the night to take pain pills so I could even get out of bed in the morning. The comparisons are endless.

My darling son got a new mp3 player for Christmas. He has asked me a least ten times since he opened it Sunday night to download a list of songs and synch other music to it. Every time I told him I would when I had some time. Tonight was the boiling point, he asked one too many times and I said I was busy one too many times.... he decided to yell that I haven't done anything for him this month. I saw red, of course, that was his point, but at the same time I knew it was true. I am usually the be all, end all to my children. My family helps but they depend on me. I keep looking at this process thru my eyes and forget that they are very affected by my battle and recovery. Other then their usual requests for basic care, they want to hug me- the squeeze the pudding out of you kind. When they get within my bubble these days I am already on the defense, hands raised,  braced for pain. We give lots of kisses and have found creative ways to cuddle but none of those are the same as a really good hug. Talking thru these moments of frustration help calm the situation but nothing really fixes it. I wish I could fast forward to the point of me being back to 100%.