At today's doctor appointment I got the green light to go back to work... with the condition that I do it "gently". He must've figured me out already, hee hee. I am definately excited to get back in the groove of life, no more couch surfing for me. The kids are going back to school and my work week is full. Ready or not, here we go!
I am not even one month out from the original surgery and far from the finish line, not that it's a race by any means. The doctor is very pleased with my healing. We have discovered that I have super sensitive skin. My list of allergies seems to be growing with every procedure which makes healing a much slower process.
Three weeks from now the expansion process will begin, a whole new chapter, but that much closer to done.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Monday, December 26, 2011
Three Weeks Done!
At this point the doctor originally said he would probably release me to "go back to the gym". I decided that translated to my usual workload but told all my clients I wouldn't be back til the new year. What's the point of trying to work between Christmas and New Year's anyway? Plus I would have a little extra just in case time.... which of course, now it looks like I will need.
It's funny, not in the ha ha way, what becomes reality so quickly. How easy it is to forget what normal life is like. Taking a shower never used to be an exhausting adventure followed by meticulous wound dressings and post surgery bindings. Getting dressed was not a matter of what I could put on but what I wanted to wear. I never set an alarm during the middle of the night to take pain pills so I could even get out of bed in the morning. The comparisons are endless.
My darling son got a new mp3 player for Christmas. He has asked me a least ten times since he opened it Sunday night to download a list of songs and synch other music to it. Every time I told him I would when I had some time. Tonight was the boiling point, he asked one too many times and I said I was busy one too many times.... he decided to yell that I haven't done anything for him this month. I saw red, of course, that was his point, but at the same time I knew it was true. I am usually the be all, end all to my children. My family helps but they depend on me. I keep looking at this process thru my eyes and forget that they are very affected by my battle and recovery. Other then their usual requests for basic care, they want to hug me- the squeeze the pudding out of you kind. When they get within my bubble these days I am already on the defense, hands raised, braced for pain. We give lots of kisses and have found creative ways to cuddle but none of those are the same as a really good hug. Talking thru these moments of frustration help calm the situation but nothing really fixes it. I wish I could fast forward to the point of me being back to 100%.
It's funny, not in the ha ha way, what becomes reality so quickly. How easy it is to forget what normal life is like. Taking a shower never used to be an exhausting adventure followed by meticulous wound dressings and post surgery bindings. Getting dressed was not a matter of what I could put on but what I wanted to wear. I never set an alarm during the middle of the night to take pain pills so I could even get out of bed in the morning. The comparisons are endless.
My darling son got a new mp3 player for Christmas. He has asked me a least ten times since he opened it Sunday night to download a list of songs and synch other music to it. Every time I told him I would when I had some time. Tonight was the boiling point, he asked one too many times and I said I was busy one too many times.... he decided to yell that I haven't done anything for him this month. I saw red, of course, that was his point, but at the same time I knew it was true. I am usually the be all, end all to my children. My family helps but they depend on me. I keep looking at this process thru my eyes and forget that they are very affected by my battle and recovery. Other then their usual requests for basic care, they want to hug me- the squeeze the pudding out of you kind. When they get within my bubble these days I am already on the defense, hands raised, braced for pain. We give lots of kisses and have found creative ways to cuddle but none of those are the same as a really good hug. Talking thru these moments of frustration help calm the situation but nothing really fixes it. I wish I could fast forward to the point of me being back to 100%.
Friday, December 23, 2011
Debbie called the Dr. and the Dr. said....
Please meet me in the emergency room this afternoon..... boo hoo! The incision on the right breast looked even worse this morning. To the point that there was a mild waterfall from it when I leaned over to dry off my legs after the shower. All of my other marks are healing well so there was something obviously wrong. Rather then ruining mine and the doctor's Christmas' I called today and said I think we should take care of it. It was already planned for the kids to have time with their Dad overnight so I wouldn't have to change anything for them. And my bonus, Super Grandpa was sitting in his recliner with the day off and no special plans. He loaded me into the car and off we went. It was a quiet trip and the only comment made when we got there was that this brought back old memories. None of which were good, of course. We got the usual song and dance from the er dept and waited hours til my dr was even called and told I was there.... annoying. Especially cause I was hungry and he told me over the phone not to eat or drink since we were probably headed for surgery- again. He checked me over and said let's not wait anymore, it's better to be safe and not risk infection.
An operating room was booked for 5pm, I was treated like a pin cushion and sent upstairs to wait. The nurses upstairs had no idea why I was there, couldn't find my paperwork, and spent a few minutes trying not to look like chickens with their heads cut off. Cracked me up! A little visitor came to check on me and the orderlies promptly came to haul me away. Fast forward a few minutes, time sure does fly when there is an anethesiologist around ;-)
The doctor found a piece of fat, must've been something else, that had died in the incision and wasn't letting the rest of the tissue heal. He was glad that we took the time to fix it now instead of it causing a big problem. Now both of us can quit worrying and enjoy Christmas!
I woke up to two very sweet recovery nurses covering me in warm blankets and one male nurse who was rocking out complete with air guitar. We all had a good laugh. They used an iv medicene to knock me out so I was up and ready for battle fast as lightening, even pain free, at that moment. They found my patiently waiting Father and we all went back upstairs. The three rules for getting yourself out of the hospital after an out-patient procedure are, eat, pee and walk. I power ate two packets of saltines, a bowl of red jello, asked the nurse to help me haul my iv pole to the bathroom, and then we walked two laps. Ta Dah!! Can I go home now?!?!? They looked a little surprised and said sure. Hooray! I was home before 9:00 with my favorite tacos for dinner.
No drainage tubes, no steri- strips. Back to an ace bandage for a couple of days but hopefully completely on the path to recovery! Just to be really safe I will also be starting another course of antibiotics, yeah more pills :p At least I still have time to get the presents wrapped and rest before the monkeys get home tomorrow.
An operating room was booked for 5pm, I was treated like a pin cushion and sent upstairs to wait. The nurses upstairs had no idea why I was there, couldn't find my paperwork, and spent a few minutes trying not to look like chickens with their heads cut off. Cracked me up! A little visitor came to check on me and the orderlies promptly came to haul me away. Fast forward a few minutes, time sure does fly when there is an anethesiologist around ;-)
The doctor found a piece of fat, must've been something else, that had died in the incision and wasn't letting the rest of the tissue heal. He was glad that we took the time to fix it now instead of it causing a big problem. Now both of us can quit worrying and enjoy Christmas!
I woke up to two very sweet recovery nurses covering me in warm blankets and one male nurse who was rocking out complete with air guitar. We all had a good laugh. They used an iv medicene to knock me out so I was up and ready for battle fast as lightening, even pain free, at that moment. They found my patiently waiting Father and we all went back upstairs. The three rules for getting yourself out of the hospital after an out-patient procedure are, eat, pee and walk. I power ate two packets of saltines, a bowl of red jello, asked the nurse to help me haul my iv pole to the bathroom, and then we walked two laps. Ta Dah!! Can I go home now?!?!? They looked a little surprised and said sure. Hooray! I was home before 9:00 with my favorite tacos for dinner.
No drainage tubes, no steri- strips. Back to an ace bandage for a couple of days but hopefully completely on the path to recovery! Just to be really safe I will also be starting another course of antibiotics, yeah more pills :p At least I still have time to get the presents wrapped and rest before the monkeys get home tomorrow.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
One step forward, a few steps back
Forward: Finally, finally the last drainage tube is out!!!! Major cause for celebration, also painful. Begining to understand that every step along this process will involve pain..... guess we will see just how much I can take.
Backward: The incision on the right breast is not looking good. To the point that the doctor is now talking about a "quick" surgery to remove the not healing tissue and reclosing it with healthy tissue. He wanted to also make sure that I knew to call at any time of the day or night if it opened up or looked any worse and he would meet me at the emergency room.... do not wait til your next appointment.
Insert worried face!!!!! UGH! Can't a girl catch a break- seriously!!!!
Meanwhile on the home front, Christmas tree is up, a few presents are under- most have to wait for Christmas Eve cause certain small children have no self control. Many, many secret angels/santas have been leaving packages on our door step. This household is being showered in love and sugar! I am looking forward to a peaceful holiday with my family and hoping for healing.
Merry Almost Christmas Friends and Loved Ones!
Backward: The incision on the right breast is not looking good. To the point that the doctor is now talking about a "quick" surgery to remove the not healing tissue and reclosing it with healthy tissue. He wanted to also make sure that I knew to call at any time of the day or night if it opened up or looked any worse and he would meet me at the emergency room.... do not wait til your next appointment.
Insert worried face!!!!! UGH! Can't a girl catch a break- seriously!!!!
Meanwhile on the home front, Christmas tree is up, a few presents are under- most have to wait for Christmas Eve cause certain small children have no self control. Many, many secret angels/santas have been leaving packages on our door step. This household is being showered in love and sugar! I am looking forward to a peaceful holiday with my family and hoping for healing.
Merry Almost Christmas Friends and Loved Ones!
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I officially over did it.... oops!
For the last week I have been whining about the drainage tubes that drive me crazy. Well at yesterdays appt the doc gave the ok to pull the one on the right. As excited as I was to be getting it out I was a little nervous about how it would feel. For some reason I thought there was a length of tubing in there that coiled around the surgical site, no such luck. Within a few inches he pulled out a small rectangular sieve... major ouch :( Then, of course, I proceeded to leak fluid all over my back and fancy surgical bra.
As if that wasn't enough he went on to check the left side and decided to drain some fluid from the expander to help with the bruising and drainage. I should have been concerned when I heard him tell the nurse to get lidocaine ready but I was way more interested in the tool he uses to find the magnetic port on the expander. A strange sensation but really no big deal.... til the numbness wore off!
My village had planned a christmas dessert get together at Big River for later that night. I got ready and my ever faithful chaueffer came to pick me up. Within an hour at the restaurant I was toast. The pain was off the chart, it was all I could do to put on a blank face. When I got home I went straight for the good meds but have been chasing to get this under control ever since. NOT GOOD!
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the girls and I had spent a couple of hours doing some holiday baking before the appt. How is it that I am so good at sabotaging myself?
The good news, my crew is going for an extended playdate this afternoon and I will sleeping the pain away.
As if that wasn't enough he went on to check the left side and decided to drain some fluid from the expander to help with the bruising and drainage. I should have been concerned when I heard him tell the nurse to get lidocaine ready but I was way more interested in the tool he uses to find the magnetic port on the expander. A strange sensation but really no big deal.... til the numbness wore off!
My village had planned a christmas dessert get together at Big River for later that night. I got ready and my ever faithful chaueffer came to pick me up. Within an hour at the restaurant I was toast. The pain was off the chart, it was all I could do to put on a blank face. When I got home I went straight for the good meds but have been chasing to get this under control ever since. NOT GOOD!
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that the girls and I had spent a couple of hours doing some holiday baking before the appt. How is it that I am so good at sabotaging myself?
The good news, my crew is going for an extended playdate this afternoon and I will sleeping the pain away.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Second week done!
One word sums it up.... progress! Slower then I'd like but it is progress. I am spending more daytime hours awake. More moments taking care of my usual chores. No cooking or laundry yet, GG is still in charge of those departments, bless her heart. I have been battling pain much less, major bonus! Hoping with every cell of my being that the drainage tubes are removed tomorrow. They are a pain in more ways then one, necessary but painful none the less. I even drove myself to the store today to pick up a few things we needed. Loved having the freedom to just go, not wait on anyone to take me.
Going to recruit the monkeys to help with some holiday baking. We are going to make the most of this Christmas and celebrate it the way we should. Lot of good food, time with our family, and being thankful for all our many blessings!
Going to recruit the monkeys to help with some holiday baking. We are going to make the most of this Christmas and celebrate it the way we should. Lot of good food, time with our family, and being thankful for all our many blessings!
Friday, December 16, 2011
More follow-up
My meeting with Dr. Faddis was busniness as usual. They checked my biopsy site and gave me some more supplies for dressing changes. Then we went down the hall to his office to review the pathology report. It turns out that once again my guardian angel was guiding me. All of the tissue removed on the right side had non-invasive cancer cells. The "creepy" finding was that the right nipple was chosen to be removed because of how close it was to the known tumors but in fact was full of cancer cells also. That fact was not found during the ultrasound, mammograms, or biopsy. The pathologist noted a duct that goes between the breast tissue and muscle wall that was within 0.1mm of the margin of positive cells.
The surgeon wants to remove it to be completely sure that not even a microscopic amount of cancer cells remain. He still feels confident that there is no need for chemo or radiation and that the surgery can wait until the expanders are ready to be replaced with the permenant implants. The report also noted zero cells of cancer on the left side!
I am making great strides in the mobility department. As funny as the nurse was about my t-rex arms that was never really a problem. Much more bothersome was feeling like I could take deep breaths. I am able to shower, change my bandages, and dress unassisted. I can even put a shirt on over my head- seems silly but that was impossible a week ago. The hurdles are my lack of energy, sleepiness from pain meds, and the darn drainage tubes. So cross all your pieces for me that on Tuesday he agrees to remove them. It will be cause for major celebration if that happens!!
My amazing Grandma and the army of angels and friends who constantly bring food, special treats, and take care of the daily households chores, not to mention my monkeys have made this process a huge success. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
The surgeon wants to remove it to be completely sure that not even a microscopic amount of cancer cells remain. He still feels confident that there is no need for chemo or radiation and that the surgery can wait until the expanders are ready to be replaced with the permenant implants. The report also noted zero cells of cancer on the left side!
I am making great strides in the mobility department. As funny as the nurse was about my t-rex arms that was never really a problem. Much more bothersome was feeling like I could take deep breaths. I am able to shower, change my bandages, and dress unassisted. I can even put a shirt on over my head- seems silly but that was impossible a week ago. The hurdles are my lack of energy, sleepiness from pain meds, and the darn drainage tubes. So cross all your pieces for me that on Tuesday he agrees to remove them. It will be cause for major celebration if that happens!!
My amazing Grandma and the army of angels and friends who constantly bring food, special treats, and take care of the daily households chores, not to mention my monkeys have made this process a huge success. Thank You! Thank You! Thank You!
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
First post-op appointment
I went to see the plastic surgeon this morning for my first post-op appointment. I came in with high hopes of having my drainage tubes removed and being released from the enormous ace bandage that has been squeezing my rib cage for the last week. Only one of those hopes came true.... small pouty face. Turns out I need a few more days of drainage before he feels comfortable removing the tubes. The plus side is that I am now able to shower like a normal person, HOORAY!!! Instead of the compression wrap I have a fancy sports bra that helps me look less like a frankenstein project. The bruises are extensive and colorful. The shape is far from ideal or balanced but the worst is over. Only forward progress from here :-D
I have another post-op appointment with my other surgeon tomorrow. He'll check the biopsy site and explain more about the results. I will also probably be referred onto a different doctor for future monitoring.
It was wonderful to get out of the house this morning, I even wore jeans and real shoes! Tonight Janessa has a winter music performance that we will all be going to. So I am off to take a real shower followed by a nap so I can enjoy my next outing!
My wonderful angels have been taking such good care of the kids and I. We are all so thankful!!!
I have another post-op appointment with my other surgeon tomorrow. He'll check the biopsy site and explain more about the results. I will also probably be referred onto a different doctor for future monitoring.
It was wonderful to get out of the house this morning, I even wore jeans and real shoes! Tonight Janessa has a winter music performance that we will all be going to. So I am off to take a real shower followed by a nap so I can enjoy my next outing!
My wonderful angels have been taking such good care of the kids and I. We are all so thankful!!!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Surgery and such
Monday morning arrived icy and cold. I set the alarm for 5am but was woke up early because Elie had a bad dream. I got her settled and followed my shower instructions. Nothing like shivering in the shower covered in yucky smelling pink soap to start your day. Got dressed, checked my hospital bag, put on my slippers and we were off. A million thanks to my chaeuffer Katie Taylor for the door to door service in her nice warm car. Front row parking was awaiting us and we were ushered into the short stay dept. A quick weigh in and generic questions and I was issued my fancy gown and non-skid socks. Then the waiting game started. Thank goodness for silly friends who got up at the crack of dawn to keep me laughing and distracted. The staff attempted to limit my visitors but we eventually snuck everyone in. What do they think this is a serious time? Finally all the doctors had talked with me, I was marked and ready to go. High fives all around, blown kisses and my happy cocktail was on board. Fast forward a few minutes, so it seemed to me, and I was waking up in recovery. Fast forward a couple more minutes and I was in my hospital room, which thanks to Gaga was a private room with a nice view and quiet neighbors.
The first day and night was nothing short of a nightmare. The nurses maxed out the pain and nausea meds they could give me but it still wasn't enough. The next morning I had the nurse help me get adjusted, turns out I had three extra pillows, and countless blankets twisted all around. We got me into a fresh gown and she put the bed back to normal. I ordered some breakfast and it all tasted so good, for the first few minutes. More nausea meds and I was ok. I had lots of visitors and managed to keep two more meals down. I called super grandpa and asked him to bring the kids up for a visit. They made me beautiful cards and gave me extra gentle hugs. I sent them off so they could get to bed on time, telling them I hoped to be waiting on the couch when they got home from school.
The second night was much less eventful. The nurses came in less often and I actually got some sleep. By Wednesday morning I was chomping at the bit to leave! I got myself out of bed and spent the rest of the day in the rocking chair. The docs agreed to release me with a long list of instructions. Hooray, I was so happy to go home.
Home is fabulous but has it's own challenges. My bed is infinitely more comfortable but does not adjust. No one wants to take my temp and blood pressure every two minutes. My children are very happy to see me but are having a hard time adjusting to a Mom that sits on the couch. We are all learning the new rules to this recovery process.
I have follow up appointments with both surgeons next week. I am hoping they will remove the 4in. ace bandage that is squeezing me in half plus the drainage tubes that make me look like a Frankenstein project. Plus we are waiting to hear the official results of the lymph node biopsy. I know this will be a lengthy process but I would like to fast forward out of this akward stage into my beautiful butterfly stage!
The first day and night was nothing short of a nightmare. The nurses maxed out the pain and nausea meds they could give me but it still wasn't enough. The next morning I had the nurse help me get adjusted, turns out I had three extra pillows, and countless blankets twisted all around. We got me into a fresh gown and she put the bed back to normal. I ordered some breakfast and it all tasted so good, for the first few minutes. More nausea meds and I was ok. I had lots of visitors and managed to keep two more meals down. I called super grandpa and asked him to bring the kids up for a visit. They made me beautiful cards and gave me extra gentle hugs. I sent them off so they could get to bed on time, telling them I hoped to be waiting on the couch when they got home from school.
The second night was much less eventful. The nurses came in less often and I actually got some sleep. By Wednesday morning I was chomping at the bit to leave! I got myself out of bed and spent the rest of the day in the rocking chair. The docs agreed to release me with a long list of instructions. Hooray, I was so happy to go home.
Home is fabulous but has it's own challenges. My bed is infinitely more comfortable but does not adjust. No one wants to take my temp and blood pressure every two minutes. My children are very happy to see me but are having a hard time adjusting to a Mom that sits on the couch. We are all learning the new rules to this recovery process.
I have follow up appointments with both surgeons next week. I am hoping they will remove the 4in. ace bandage that is squeezing me in half plus the drainage tubes that make me look like a Frankenstein project. Plus we are waiting to hear the official results of the lymph node biopsy. I know this will be a lengthy process but I would like to fast forward out of this akward stage into my beautiful butterfly stage!
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Decisions, decisions....
Or should I apologize?
Monday, November 28, 2011
Reality Check
People ask me all the time "How are you doing? Is there anything I can do to help you?" Does it sound strange if the inside my head voice screams, make the voices stop?!?!? The emotional roller coaster has me on the upside down rails, which for the record is my LEAST favorite part! When I want to go to sleep my to-do list plays on repeat at full volume. The ongoing list of things I will not be able to do by myself after surgery is growing. And those of you who really know me, know that that is the worst part of this process in my mind!
In the beginning I was focused on the outcome, new cancer-proof boobs, and all the positive aspects of early detection. Now as the day draws closer I am stressing over the little details of kid juggling and recovery. In other words, a full blown pity party! Anyone care to join me? I have plenty of room....
In reality it will all work out fine. The surgery will be successful because I have two of the best doctors, I am young and healthy, and as my grandma says "I come from tough stock". The kids have loads of people to shower them with love and attention. I have the best village and group of friends in the universe who will take care of my every whim, wheither I like it or not. It will only last for a limited time- I WILL be back to my usual crazy pace of life in a few short weeks.
The bottom line is this whole situation could be infinitely worse, on any and every level. I am lucky beyond compare. To attempt to look at it in any other way is just not realisitic, which I always say that I am. So no more pity party, time to face reality and deal with it as gracefully as possible.
Solutions: *keep busy- not hard!
*pamper myself- two spa appointments this week ought to cover that!
*soak up as much kid cuddles as possible
*carry every heavy thing I can think of so I appreciate giving my arms a break
*eat like a starving person now because I will be living in yoga and pj pants for a month
Anything I am forgetting? ;-)
T-minus 7 days.... surgery was changed to Monday the 5th, 6am
In the beginning I was focused on the outcome, new cancer-proof boobs, and all the positive aspects of early detection. Now as the day draws closer I am stressing over the little details of kid juggling and recovery. In other words, a full blown pity party! Anyone care to join me? I have plenty of room....
In reality it will all work out fine. The surgery will be successful because I have two of the best doctors, I am young and healthy, and as my grandma says "I come from tough stock". The kids have loads of people to shower them with love and attention. I have the best village and group of friends in the universe who will take care of my every whim, wheither I like it or not. It will only last for a limited time- I WILL be back to my usual crazy pace of life in a few short weeks.
The bottom line is this whole situation could be infinitely worse, on any and every level. I am lucky beyond compare. To attempt to look at it in any other way is just not realisitic, which I always say that I am. So no more pity party, time to face reality and deal with it as gracefully as possible.
Solutions: *keep busy- not hard!
*pamper myself- two spa appointments this week ought to cover that!
*soak up as much kid cuddles as possible
*carry every heavy thing I can think of so I appreciate giving my arms a break
*eat like a starving person now because I will be living in yoga and pj pants for a month
Anything I am forgetting? ;-)
T-minus 7 days.... surgery was changed to Monday the 5th, 6am
Monday, November 21, 2011
Pre-Op
This is the first surgery I've had that was planned, it's a different sort of experience. Both of my previous surgeries were emergencies. No detailed paperwork, no blood draws, no anticipation... just fix me now please! So today I marched into the hospital to complete the registration paperwork and get my blood drawn. I was definately out of place, lots of older people in obviously poor health. I still have reasons to be thankful. A few signatures and nods of my head and the paperwork was done. Onto the nurses offices for more instructions about what to expect and things to bring for after the surgery. Her funniest comment was that I would have "t-rex" arms. No reaching for anything, elbows tucked to my side. The silliest vision of me as a prehistoric beast flashed thru my mind. Guess I should practice my dinosaur sounds ;-)
Next stop, the lab. I have a definate fear of needles. Before all of my many moments of needing shots and IV's I would ask for the expert and make them let me lay down, what a baby! Now I just look away and send my mind to it's happy place. I usually point out the best spot on my arm for the tech but for some reason today I didn't, big mistake. I seem to be plumbed a little different then the norm, my best vein for blood draw is a little of to the outside of my arm. That lovely tech turned me into a pin cushion. The bruise that is already spreading will be an award winner..... grumble grumble. Guess that will teach me to keep quiet!
Other then very specific showering instructions the night and morning of the surgery I seem to be ready.... as far as the doctors and hospital are concerned. But no one asked me if I was ready- the answer NO. My to-do list is a mile long. On the other hand my house hasn't been this clean in awhile and my pantry is on it's way to being stocked for the end of the world. There may be a control freak in the house....
Next stop, the lab. I have a definate fear of needles. Before all of my many moments of needing shots and IV's I would ask for the expert and make them let me lay down, what a baby! Now I just look away and send my mind to it's happy place. I usually point out the best spot on my arm for the tech but for some reason today I didn't, big mistake. I seem to be plumbed a little different then the norm, my best vein for blood draw is a little of to the outside of my arm. That lovely tech turned me into a pin cushion. The bruise that is already spreading will be an award winner..... grumble grumble. Guess that will teach me to keep quiet!
Other then very specific showering instructions the night and morning of the surgery I seem to be ready.... as far as the doctors and hospital are concerned. But no one asked me if I was ready- the answer NO. My to-do list is a mile long. On the other hand my house hasn't been this clean in awhile and my pantry is on it's way to being stocked for the end of the world. There may be a control freak in the house....
Friday, November 18, 2011
Volunteer Info
So many people have offered to help during the recovery process that my good friend Katie Taylor has assigned herself the job of volunteer coordinator. She found a program that allows us to organize the village. If you want to sign up for a duty you can email her at docktaylor@gmail.com.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
What a Day!
Lately I feel like I have run a marathon by the end of each day. Between the normal stresses of life and the current health issue I feel completely zapped. So you would think sleep would be the perfect solution.... not the case. I toss and turn to fall asleep, only to wake up completely within a few hours. Then wrestle my pillow and blankets while I try to fall back asleep. The only real rest is had on the couch in the afternoon while the kids are running around, go figure!
Ok, enough whinning....
I have a lot to be thankful for. Today's prime example; my friends at the kids' school. I see them mulitple times a day, five days a week. We talk about life, kids, anything old thing.... We look out for each other's kids at the playground after school. Lately we talk a lot about boobs! I have found my latest soap box, telling my story to anyone who will listen so they understand the importance of taking care of themselves and not settling when you feel that something is wrong. Well today's lesson was mine to learn. I was handed a manila envelope by one woman and told to open it at my leisure, that it was from a group of people. It was raining, the kids were whinning. I tucked it under my jacket and drove away. It wasn't until I had battled the older ones over homework that I decided to open it. It blew me away what was inside.... a very clever note unsigned, some pamphlets about breast cancer and support, a gift card for me to go to the spa, and a "slush fund" of money to use however I felt. It made me cry. I know that I have friends there and that I would do anything to support them but to have it handed to me so neatly in an envelope left me speechless and humbled. I am so thankful to those who took the time to participate in my care package. And since the note was anonymous I am unable to thank each person. Do you think it would be too crazy if I wore a sandwich board to school tomorrow with a huge thank you written on it?!
I am blessed! Even when my life is far from a fairy tale and it's hard to see where I am going. My friends and family are beyond supportive. If I just let the stress go and let them help me thru this process I will learn and grow.
Ok, enough whinning....
I have a lot to be thankful for. Today's prime example; my friends at the kids' school. I see them mulitple times a day, five days a week. We talk about life, kids, anything old thing.... We look out for each other's kids at the playground after school. Lately we talk a lot about boobs! I have found my latest soap box, telling my story to anyone who will listen so they understand the importance of taking care of themselves and not settling when you feel that something is wrong. Well today's lesson was mine to learn. I was handed a manila envelope by one woman and told to open it at my leisure, that it was from a group of people. It was raining, the kids were whinning. I tucked it under my jacket and drove away. It wasn't until I had battled the older ones over homework that I decided to open it. It blew me away what was inside.... a very clever note unsigned, some pamphlets about breast cancer and support, a gift card for me to go to the spa, and a "slush fund" of money to use however I felt. It made me cry. I know that I have friends there and that I would do anything to support them but to have it handed to me so neatly in an envelope left me speechless and humbled. I am so thankful to those who took the time to participate in my care package. And since the note was anonymous I am unable to thank each person. Do you think it would be too crazy if I wore a sandwich board to school tomorrow with a huge thank you written on it?!
I am blessed! Even when my life is far from a fairy tale and it's hard to see where I am going. My friends and family are beyond supportive. If I just let the stress go and let them help me thru this process I will learn and grow.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
New Jugs
I met with the plastic surgeon today, Dr. Day. I was photographed, measured, and weighed. Yet another new experience on this journey. Everything that my oncology surgeon had layed out matched what he said, no more surprises is a nice thing. He answered a lot of my questions about the order of events, how long between procedures and what to expect as a final outcome. We talked about recovery in depth, the first week, I am allowed to lift my coffee cup. So village, be on high alert. I will need someone to deliver my every desire to my throne! The following two weeks will be much better but still very light duty. By the beginning of January I should back to my old evil ways. At least until the next procedure, then a little down time, but nothing compared to the first surgery.
The major question.... what size? Seems like a easy enough answer but for some reason I am a little stuck. Too small and what's the point..... Too big and I might regret it. The solution, try them on for size! There's a local lingerie store that does special bras for people who get masectomies. So my peanut gallery and I are going on a field trip soon.
I told him about my new t-shirt, it says "Of course these are fake! The real ones tried to kill me." He laughed and said I also needed the one that says " Please excuse the mess while we are under construction".... I might edit that one to say hot mess, but we shall see ;-)
All in all it was a good appointment. I feel very confident in the surgeons and their abilities. They both are personable and kind. This is going to be a good outcome!
Oh yeah, and my surgery is scheduled for December 6th. Which is the date I requested, even though Dr. Day was supposed to be out of the office, he said he'd still come in and take care of me! Kinda feeling like royalty.... hee hee!
The major question.... what size? Seems like a easy enough answer but for some reason I am a little stuck. Too small and what's the point..... Too big and I might regret it. The solution, try them on for size! There's a local lingerie store that does special bras for people who get masectomies. So my peanut gallery and I are going on a field trip soon.
I told him about my new t-shirt, it says "Of course these are fake! The real ones tried to kill me." He laughed and said I also needed the one that says " Please excuse the mess while we are under construction".... I might edit that one to say hot mess, but we shall see ;-)
All in all it was a good appointment. I feel very confident in the surgeons and their abilities. They both are personable and kind. This is going to be a good outcome!
Oh yeah, and my surgery is scheduled for December 6th. Which is the date I requested, even though Dr. Day was supposed to be out of the office, he said he'd still come in and take care of me! Kinda feeling like royalty.... hee hee!
Monday, November 14, 2011
Uh Oh!!!
There I was minding my own business, just trying to go to sleep. I curled up on my right side and felt like something was stabbing me. Not the kind of sensation that goes unnoticed! Especially when the pain is coming from my right breast. I reached over and found a lump.... it was extremely tender and painful. Immediately I got out of bed, walked to the bathroom, flipped on the light and looked for a visual to go with the pain. Thinking all along that I would have remembered getting an injury there. Nothing to see in the mirror. I went back to bed with my mind screaming "I FOUND A LUMP" on repeat. It took forever to fall asleep that night....
The next morning I called my ob/gyn office and made an appt to have it checked, they could see me that afternoon. The dr. did a breast exam with me cringing and trying to escape. She assured me that it was probably just a cyst. She would order me an ultrasound just to be safe. I was told to wear a supportive bra, avoid caffeine, and take ibuprofen.
The ultrasound was done without a big to do. I saw some strange things on the screen and the tech noted that there was increased blood flow in the lump area. It took a few days for the official results. The report said they found a hypoechoic structure and lesion, recommedation; follow up in six months. It went on to say that they considered the lesion to be 98% "probably benign". If I was not satisified with these results I could request a referral to a breast surgeon for biopsy. It took me a day or so to make my decision.... go see the surgeon. Even a 2% chance of breast cancer and the fact that the pain had not lessened was enough for me to feel the need to find out the 100% answer.
So, I went to see Dr. Faddis, the breast surgeon. He too did an exam and asked if I would go for a mammogram so that he could give me my 100% answer. Still no one was overly concerned. The mammogram would be a diagnostic one, where the radiologist gives you the results on the same visit. Finally no waiting for a phone call! The mammogram experience was not fun to say the least. It required labor breathing and a brought tears to my eyes. While I waited for the results I chatted with an elderly woman. She exclaimed that I was way too young to need their services, I remarked that I wished she was right. The radiologist came in soon after and delivered the news, there was definately something in there that didn't look right and I was to get dressed and schedule a biopsy. No choices, no hand patting, get dressed and take the first opening.... UGH!
I was given a list of instructions about the biopsy procedure and told to bring a driver. My darling friend Bonnie appointed herself my chaueffer and the morning arrived for the biopsy. I dubbed my biopsy the "swiss cheese" mission. Any chance to laugh this experience off was my coping mechanism. We waited and waited, finally a different radiologist called us back for a consult. She looked me square in the eye and said "At this point we are not questioning if it is cancer but what kind it is" and then "I will not believe it if it comes back bengin".... insert the feeling of an atomic bomb dropping. And many thanks to Bonnie for being there. My response, gulp- ok cut them off. I will not go chasing lumps for the next however long and waiting for more positive results. I want a double masectomy and lets move on. She looked a little surprised and said good answer. They changed the type of biopsy I was going to have from the dreaded mammogram machine to a much gentler ultrasound biopsy. Even with that change it was an uncomfortable experience. The dr and the tech kept laughing at my smart remarks and dark jokes. I don't think it was a response they were used to. Finally six chunks were removed and she promised to call me within 48 hours.
It was one of the longest 48 hour waits EVER! I knew I had cancer but not all the other answers that go with that diagnosis. She called around 6:00 and apologized for it being so late. I interrupted with a thank you for calling instead of making me wait another minute. She read off the pathology report, positive for ductal cell carcinoma in situ, Stage 0, hormone positive. All of which didn't mean much to me but I held on tight to the stage number, 0!!!! It can't be any lower. I felt at that moment I had made all of the right choices and sent a thank you to my guardian angel, my Mom. Next step, go back and see the breast surgeon.
My peanut gallery, Bonnie & Jane, marched into the consultation with Dr. Faddis like we were having a party. And the consult that followed was far from the usual! He started with a somber face and shook his head, I shouldn't be seeing you for this. No kidding!! He explained more about the type of cancer that I have, what options for surgery I have, and the treatment that would follow. My choice, still, double masectomy with full reconstruction. An aggressive choice for sure but one that will leave me not looking over my shoulder, no chemo, and no radiation. Next step, go and meet with the plastic surgeons to finalize those choices.
I have slowly but surely talked to my family and friends about this process. I am facing a major surgery with a lengthy recovery. Followed by two smaller surgeries to finish the reconstruction. I am a single Mom with three young children. This is going to require a village! Good thing I already have the best one in existence.
The next morning I called my ob/gyn office and made an appt to have it checked, they could see me that afternoon. The dr. did a breast exam with me cringing and trying to escape. She assured me that it was probably just a cyst. She would order me an ultrasound just to be safe. I was told to wear a supportive bra, avoid caffeine, and take ibuprofen.
The ultrasound was done without a big to do. I saw some strange things on the screen and the tech noted that there was increased blood flow in the lump area. It took a few days for the official results. The report said they found a hypoechoic structure and lesion, recommedation; follow up in six months. It went on to say that they considered the lesion to be 98% "probably benign". If I was not satisified with these results I could request a referral to a breast surgeon for biopsy. It took me a day or so to make my decision.... go see the surgeon. Even a 2% chance of breast cancer and the fact that the pain had not lessened was enough for me to feel the need to find out the 100% answer.
So, I went to see Dr. Faddis, the breast surgeon. He too did an exam and asked if I would go for a mammogram so that he could give me my 100% answer. Still no one was overly concerned. The mammogram would be a diagnostic one, where the radiologist gives you the results on the same visit. Finally no waiting for a phone call! The mammogram experience was not fun to say the least. It required labor breathing and a brought tears to my eyes. While I waited for the results I chatted with an elderly woman. She exclaimed that I was way too young to need their services, I remarked that I wished she was right. The radiologist came in soon after and delivered the news, there was definately something in there that didn't look right and I was to get dressed and schedule a biopsy. No choices, no hand patting, get dressed and take the first opening.... UGH!
I was given a list of instructions about the biopsy procedure and told to bring a driver. My darling friend Bonnie appointed herself my chaueffer and the morning arrived for the biopsy. I dubbed my biopsy the "swiss cheese" mission. Any chance to laugh this experience off was my coping mechanism. We waited and waited, finally a different radiologist called us back for a consult. She looked me square in the eye and said "At this point we are not questioning if it is cancer but what kind it is" and then "I will not believe it if it comes back bengin".... insert the feeling of an atomic bomb dropping. And many thanks to Bonnie for being there. My response, gulp- ok cut them off. I will not go chasing lumps for the next however long and waiting for more positive results. I want a double masectomy and lets move on. She looked a little surprised and said good answer. They changed the type of biopsy I was going to have from the dreaded mammogram machine to a much gentler ultrasound biopsy. Even with that change it was an uncomfortable experience. The dr and the tech kept laughing at my smart remarks and dark jokes. I don't think it was a response they were used to. Finally six chunks were removed and she promised to call me within 48 hours.
It was one of the longest 48 hour waits EVER! I knew I had cancer but not all the other answers that go with that diagnosis. She called around 6:00 and apologized for it being so late. I interrupted with a thank you for calling instead of making me wait another minute. She read off the pathology report, positive for ductal cell carcinoma in situ, Stage 0, hormone positive. All of which didn't mean much to me but I held on tight to the stage number, 0!!!! It can't be any lower. I felt at that moment I had made all of the right choices and sent a thank you to my guardian angel, my Mom. Next step, go back and see the breast surgeon.
My peanut gallery, Bonnie & Jane, marched into the consultation with Dr. Faddis like we were having a party. And the consult that followed was far from the usual! He started with a somber face and shook his head, I shouldn't be seeing you for this. No kidding!! He explained more about the type of cancer that I have, what options for surgery I have, and the treatment that would follow. My choice, still, double masectomy with full reconstruction. An aggressive choice for sure but one that will leave me not looking over my shoulder, no chemo, and no radiation. Next step, go and meet with the plastic surgeons to finalize those choices.
I have slowly but surely talked to my family and friends about this process. I am facing a major surgery with a lengthy recovery. Followed by two smaller surgeries to finish the reconstruction. I am a single Mom with three young children. This is going to require a village! Good thing I already have the best one in existence.
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