Monday, November 14, 2011

Uh Oh!!!

There I was minding my own business, just trying to go to sleep. I curled up on my right side and felt like something was stabbing me. Not the kind of sensation that goes unnoticed! Especially when the pain is coming from my right breast. I reached over and found a lump.... it was extremely tender and painful. Immediately I got out of bed, walked to the bathroom, flipped on the light and looked for a visual to go with the pain. Thinking all along that I would have remembered getting an injury there. Nothing to see in the mirror. I went back to bed with my mind screaming "I FOUND A LUMP" on repeat. It took forever to fall asleep that night....

The next morning I called my ob/gyn office and made an appt to have it checked, they could see me that afternoon. The dr. did a breast exam with me cringing and trying to escape. She assured me that it was probably just a cyst. She would order me an ultrasound just to be safe. I was told to wear a supportive bra, avoid caffeine, and take ibuprofen.

The ultrasound was done without a big to do. I saw some strange things on the screen and the tech noted that there was increased blood flow in the lump area. It took a few days for the official results. The report said they found a hypoechoic structure and lesion, recommedation; follow up in six months. It went on to say that they considered the lesion to be 98% "probably benign". If I was not satisified with these results I could request a referral to a breast surgeon for biopsy.  It took me a day or so to make my decision.... go see the surgeon. Even a 2% chance of breast cancer and the fact that the pain had not lessened was enough for me to feel the need to find out the 100% answer.

So, I went to see Dr. Faddis, the breast surgeon. He too did an exam and asked if I would go for a mammogram so that he could give me my 100% answer. Still no one was overly concerned. The mammogram would be a diagnostic one, where the radiologist gives you the results on the same visit. Finally no waiting for a phone call! The mammogram experience was not fun to say the least. It required labor breathing and a brought tears to my eyes. While I waited for the results I chatted with an elderly woman. She exclaimed that I was way too young to need their services, I remarked that I wished she was right. The radiologist came in soon after and delivered the news, there was definately something in there that didn't look right and I was to get dressed and schedule a biopsy. No choices, no hand patting, get dressed and take the first opening.... UGH!

I was given a list of instructions about the biopsy procedure and told to bring a driver. My darling friend Bonnie appointed herself my chaueffer and the morning arrived for the biopsy. I dubbed my biopsy the "swiss cheese" mission. Any chance to laugh this experience off was my coping mechanism.  We waited and waited, finally a different radiologist called us back for a consult. She looked me square in the eye and said "At this point we are not questioning if it is cancer but what kind it is" and then "I will not believe it if it comes back bengin".... insert the feeling of an atomic bomb dropping. And many thanks to Bonnie for being there. My response, gulp- ok cut them off. I will not go chasing lumps for the next however long and waiting for more positive results. I want a double masectomy and lets move on. She looked a little surprised and said good answer. They changed the type of biopsy I was going to have from the dreaded mammogram machine to a much gentler ultrasound biopsy. Even with that change it was an uncomfortable experience. The dr and the tech kept laughing at my smart remarks and dark jokes. I don't think it was a response they were used to. Finally six chunks were removed and she promised to call me within 48 hours.

It was one of the longest 48 hour waits EVER! I knew I had cancer but not all the other answers that go with that diagnosis. She called around 6:00 and apologized for it being so late. I interrupted with a thank you for calling instead of making me wait another minute. She read off the pathology report, positive for ductal cell carcinoma in situ, Stage 0, hormone positive. All of which didn't mean much to me but I held on tight to the stage number, 0!!!! It can't be any lower. I felt at that moment I had made all of the right choices and sent a thank you to my guardian angel, my Mom. Next step, go back and see the breast surgeon.

My peanut gallery, Bonnie & Jane, marched into the consultation with Dr. Faddis like we were having a party. And the consult that followed was far from the usual! He started with a somber face and shook his head, I shouldn't be seeing you for this. No kidding!! He explained more about the type of cancer that I have, what options for surgery I have, and the treatment that would follow. My choice, still, double masectomy with full reconstruction. An aggressive choice for sure but one that will leave me not looking over my shoulder, no chemo, and no radiation. Next step, go and meet with the plastic surgeons to finalize those choices.

I have slowly but surely talked to my family and friends about this process. I am facing a major surgery with a lengthy recovery. Followed by two smaller surgeries to finish the reconstruction. I am a single Mom with three young children. This is going to require a village! Good thing I already have the best one in existence.

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