People ask me all the time "How are you doing? Is there anything I can do to help you?" Does it sound strange if the inside my head voice screams, make the voices stop?!?!? The emotional roller coaster has me on the upside down rails, which for the record is my LEAST favorite part! When I want to go to sleep my to-do list plays on repeat at full volume. The ongoing list of things I will not be able to do by myself after surgery is growing. And those of you who really know me, know that that is the worst part of this process in my mind!
In the beginning I was focused on the outcome, new cancer-proof boobs, and all the positive aspects of early detection. Now as the day draws closer I am stressing over the little details of kid juggling and recovery. In other words, a full blown pity party! Anyone care to join me? I have plenty of room....
In reality it will all work out fine. The surgery will be successful because I have two of the best doctors, I am young and healthy, and as my grandma says "I come from tough stock". The kids have loads of people to shower them with love and attention. I have the best village and group of friends in the universe who will take care of my every whim, wheither I like it or not. It will only last for a limited time- I WILL be back to my usual crazy pace of life in a few short weeks.
The bottom line is this whole situation could be infinitely worse, on any and every level. I am lucky beyond compare. To attempt to look at it in any other way is just not realisitic, which I always say that I am. So no more pity party, time to face reality and deal with it as gracefully as possible.
Solutions: *keep busy- not hard!
*pamper myself- two spa appointments this week ought to cover that!
*soak up as much kid cuddles as possible
*carry every heavy thing I can think of so I appreciate giving my arms a break
*eat like a starving person now because I will be living in yoga and pj pants for a month
Anything I am forgetting? ;-)
T-minus 7 days.... surgery was changed to Monday the 5th, 6am
Gee Debbie, I think that you are allowed to have a tiny little fall apart fiesta. I think I'd be having a misery Mardi Gras in your place. So try to enjoy your spa appt's, make a lot of lists to help with the loss of Mommy duty for a week or so and when one of the Village People ask what they can do to help tear off a piece of that to-do list and let them help! I'm going to Salem to do some Christmas shopping on Wednesday. If you'll e'mail me a Santa list for the kids I'll tick some items off of that list! xoxoxo
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