Expansion is done

I have completed five out of the six expansion appts and have decided to waive the white flag. It is not defeat by any means because the end result will not suffer. I am just done! Done with the pain and discomfort. Done with the anxiety of knowing another surgery is coming but not when. The doctor agreed that we had gone far enough and it was time to schedule the next procedure. He said I had done perfectly.... I guess showing up every week makes me a good patient :-) I never thought I'd be so excited to have surgery! No more weekly injections, much less pain, and a "normal" appearance are all reasons to celebrate. The surgery will be done as an out-patient, thru the same incisions as before. I will need to take a week off of work. And will get a break from doctor appts for about two months while things are healing. I have come to adore the staff and nurses at my dr's office but I love the idea of not being the pin cushion anymore!!
Now I am just waiting for the phone call to tell me when the two surgeons can coordinate and get me into the operating room. Not a hard thing to do, except for the fact that this last expansion appt has put me over the pain edge. I guess my body agrees that it is done too! The last four have been a little uncomfortable for a few hours, followed by soreness for a day. For some reason, this time I am in agony. I guess that gives me a good excuse to be a couch potatoe for a bit.

Wonderful

Sitting at Colin's dance class tonight I started chatting with one of the other boys' Grandma. First it was about the boys and their "mad dance skills" ;-) Next I know we are chatting about the current events, never my plan but I can't seem to get escape it.... She has walked alot of the same steps as me. She has also been diagnosed with cancer but only after 3 yrs of tests and appts. Her biggest question was how did you get thru your surgery and recovery. I told her about all of the support from our family, friends, my clients, people from the kids' school, and even strangers. My comment was that even though life has handed me a lot of challenges lately I have been blessed beyond belief. She said that was very refreshing to hear and that for all those wonderful things to happen I must be a wonderful person. It was so sweet and unexpected. I smiled and said thank you! I hope that if I heard of anyone in need that I would be able to help them too.
So I wanted to say THANK YOU!!! to all of the people who have offered their support throughout this journey. Everything from a message to a meal has been so appreciated. Love to you all <3

First expansion appt

I was having a major case of mixed emotions over the next step in this process. I keep hearing that this part is painful but it's the only way to get to the end. I put my brave face on and marched on in. The dr used his fancy tool to locate the ports, marked them with a pen, and swiped them with betadine to clean my skin. He warned me that I would feel a pinch and burn with the lidocaine. The strange thing was I didn't feel anything. The nurse seemed a little concerned and commented to the dr, who explained to me that I must have some nerve damage from the surgery. It is early in the healing process and the numbness might go away or it might not, time will tell. The good news is that I didn't leave in agony! One appt down, five to go....

Surgeon follow-up

I saw the oncology surgeon and his p.a. this morning for a quick follow-up appointment. My little helper sat in the corner playing on her d.s. She always has the funniest comments about my boobs when I am changing into their lovely gowns. Today's was "you have wrinkly boobs Mom".... true baby. My post surgical bra has gathers along the front opening and they transfer.
The doctor was very pleased with my progress. I love how they say everything looks great! All I see in the mirror are scars and very strange looking lumps. I questioned the p.a. who is a woman about my age, about other woman's reconstruction outcomes compared to mine. Her comment was that she has only seen a few others and I should have a fantastic finished result.... I guess there really might be a silver lining to this process! I also complained, loudly, about the amount of pain having expanders causes. The dr said he told me it would hurt, which I am not contesting, but I sure did not understand to what degree that meant. He joked that he should have some to try on so that he would know better. I honestly wouldn't wish these dumb things on anyone.
The best part was he said to make a follow-up appointment for six months! I reminded him that he would see me before then for a few minutes during my next surgery. And also that he had promised me I wouldn't even notice that he'd been there.... we'll see if he's good for his word.

Not Average....

Yeah for getting the last dozen stitches out this morning! Now I only am sporting a small band aid. And another yeah for going back to work. Sounds silly but I was going stir crazy looking at my four walls. And a double loud yeah for kids going back to school!! They need to get out from under my feet for awhile every day. It is good for all those involved!
I was greeted very warmly at the kids' school today, most of these smiling faces I haven't seen for a month.  A few extra gentle hugs and lots of concerned questions. The main ones- are you feeling better? and are you done yet? Better, yes! But it is a realitive term... compared to surgery day, by about a million miles. Compared to three months ago, not even close. Done yet?- nope. My smart answer to that was "this is not the average boob job" her smart repsonse, "You are not the average girl". I laughed and said you are very correct! That is the perfect way to look at it. Since when did I do anything the average way? And why in the world would this situation be any different?!?! The average woman would walk into the hospital one morning and probably check out the next day with a complete set. But not this girl.... no, she had to get it done a little differently. Oh well, all is well that ends well.
The other funny moment at school was hearing what the rumor mill had been generating about me. I guess I should be flattered that anyone cares enough to talk that much about me ;-)
I get to coast for the next three weeks, then it's time for the expansion process. I keep hearing that it hurts. Hurt like hell for fluid to be removed- can't imagine how adding will feel any better. So I chatted with the doc today about what to expect. The plan is take it really slow to start. I will know immediately during the procedure if it is too much fluid and he will adjust accordingly. There is no reason to be in agony or miss work. Hopefully over the six weeks they have scheduled all will go smoothly and I will be that much closer to the finish line!!!

Back to work I go....

At today's doctor appointment I got the green light to go back to work... with the condition that I do it "gently". He must've figured me out already, hee hee. I am definately excited to get back in the groove of life, no more couch surfing for me. The kids are going back to school and my work week is full. Ready or not, here we go!
I am not even one month out from the original surgery and far from the finish line, not that it's a race by any means. The doctor is very pleased with my healing. We have discovered that I have super sensitive skin. My list of allergies seems to be growing with every procedure which makes healing a much slower process.
Three weeks from now the expansion process will begin, a whole new chapter, but that much closer to done.

Three Weeks Done!

At this point the doctor originally said he would probably release me to "go back to the gym". I decided that translated to my usual workload but told all my clients I wouldn't be back til the new year. What's the point of trying to work between Christmas and New Year's anyway? Plus I would have a little extra just in case time.... which of course, now it looks like I will need.

It's funny, not in the ha ha way, what becomes reality so quickly. How easy it is to forget what normal life is like. Taking a shower never used to be an exhausting adventure followed by meticulous wound dressings and post surgery bindings. Getting dressed was not a matter of what I could put on but what I wanted to wear. I never set an alarm during the middle of the night to take pain pills so I could even get out of bed in the morning. The comparisons are endless.

My darling son got a new mp3 player for Christmas. He has asked me a least ten times since he opened it Sunday night to download a list of songs and synch other music to it. Every time I told him I would when I had some time. Tonight was the boiling point, he asked one too many times and I said I was busy one too many times.... he decided to yell that I haven't done anything for him this month. I saw red, of course, that was his point, but at the same time I knew it was true. I am usually the be all, end all to my children. My family helps but they depend on me. I keep looking at this process thru my eyes and forget that they are very affected by my battle and recovery. Other then their usual requests for basic care, they want to hug me- the squeeze the pudding out of you kind. When they get within my bubble these days I am already on the defense, hands raised,  braced for pain. We give lots of kisses and have found creative ways to cuddle but none of those are the same as a really good hug. Talking thru these moments of frustration help calm the situation but nothing really fixes it. I wish I could fast forward to the point of me being back to 100%.